Deep Thoughts of a Horny Fag

Self-Suckers for fun...

2008-03-16T09:53:00.000-07:00

Who IS this guy?...

2007-11-02T00:18:00.001-07:00

Loves me some Evan Stone! Look at that lovely ball sack!...

2007-11-01T20:37:00.001-07:00

Oh, balls!

2007-01-11T16:25:00.000-08:00

There are three kinds of balls in this world.

Two of them are harmless enough: 1. balls used in sports such as baseball, basketball, soccer, etc.; 2. and edible balls of popcorn, walnuts, marzipan, etc.

The other type is a little more adult-rated (but almost as edible). Also known as testicles, nuts, the family jewels, cajones, juevos, or "the Boys," this type is a misunderstood, often abused, and underappreciated part of the male anatomy.

Euphemisms about a man's balls abound. People often refer to them in order to describe the masculinity, virility, and/or bravery of a person (at times, even a female!). The implication is often that larger balls means more of these qualities. "He's got a lot of nerve," has been replaced with, "Man, that guy's got balls!" or, "Wow, get a load of the set on that guy!"

These references have been around for ages in bars, gyms, and in the locker room, but lately I've heard more and more testicle references on television. In fact, 2007 seems to be shaping up as The Year of the Testicle! Comments abound on such shows as Law & Order, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Heros, House, and of course Family Guy. To me, this lackadaisical use of the word "balls" was at first shocking, then humorous, and now extremely intriguing.

I have always been a fan of big, low-hangin' nutsacks, but hearing others (like that dishy Christopher Meloni on Law & Order: SVU, a man who's shown his own impressive nut sack on every third episode of the HBO series Oz) talk about balls makes me wetter than a bath house beach towel. But, where did all this pushing the envelope begin?

By the way, aren't all these pictures amazing? To me, the size a man's nut sack is always a determinant in how sexually attractive he is. Don't get me wrong, the primary issue is, and always will be, how big his cock is. If a guy has big balls but a small cock, it ain't gonna happen. Then again, if a guy has a big cock and no ball sack, I ain't goin' for that shit either. Luckily there are a lot of guys out there who have both, and I'm ready to take on every last one of 'em.

Celebrity Bulges...

2007-01-09T16:40:00.000-08:00

As long as I'm admitting obsessions here, let me unleash this little ditty. I love celebrity bulges! [click on the images to see them full sized]

And there seem to be a helluva lot of 'em out there to love. Does anyone else notice this, or is it just me? One of the most consistent in television is David Letterman. Although he spends most of each episode behind a desk, Letterman shows his goods from time to time in pretaped sketches, many of which show him in jeans. And if he's in jeans, you're gonna see that bulge, guaranteed. I'm serious, it looks like he's smuggling chipmonks in there!

And Letterman's not the only one. Check out these press release images of Michael Bolton! Early in his career as a singer (he was a successsful song writer long before that), Bolton apparently loved showing off his bulging man package. How else can one explain this image? Click on it!...but don't put your eyes too close to the screen or you may lose one!

My theory is, he likes to "go commando," his handlers think it will attract a largely female audience, the women (and 10% of the men) go ga-ga over it but think it too uncooth to say anything aloud, so we all go around pretending we're not looking at Bolton's HUGE, cantelope sized bulge. If you're lucky enough to catch an airing of his Love is a Wonderful Thing video (not aired much anymore due to the copyright lawsuit he lost), you can see his bulge in about half of the scenes. That's when I fell in love!

I've had this habit for as long as I can remember, by the way. Even back in the 70s when I was a kid, I tuned in to watch The Dukes of Hazzard for just such a purpose. That Bo Duke (aka, John Schneider) was another one who absolutely refused to wear underwear -- or maybe it was the producers who refused to let him --, and my eyes reaped the benefits. My favorite such encounter was the episode entitled "Find Loretta Lynn," in which Loretta co-stars, and Schneider gives her quite an eyefull. (The best part is, Schneider's a big ol' born again Christian these days, so seeing his huge cock straining against them jeans is as sacrilegious it is delicious!)

Stars of country music were apparently influenced in number of ways by "them Duke boys." Check out country singer Aaron Tippen. He's best known for this bulging biceps, but I've noticed an even more impressive bulge on his body, and I don't think it's just because of the ball-pinching cut of the Wranglers.

I hate country music, but while clicking through the tv channels, I sometimes find myself stopping on CMT, hitting the mute button, and staring in wide-eyed wonder at this man's crotch. It's not just the goodies inside that make me horny, it's also the fact that he has the audacity to prance around on a stage, with thousands of people watching him...and you know a lot of 'em are looking exactly where I am.

If the good folks of Star Trek are any indication, the future holds many more opportunities for us bulge gawkers. Check out these screen caps from an early episode in the original series. This guy's being choked by telekenesis, which this actor took as a cue to shove his crotch into the camera. With all the fuss being made over that kiss between Kirk and Uhura, you'd think the censors would have thrown a fit over this scene, but it apparently slipped by. Incredible!

Return of the Chest Hair!...

2007-01-08T11:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, what the fuck is up with all the trimming that's going on all over Hollywood? When did the War Against Chest Hair begin, and why didn't Congress refuse to appropriate funds?

Some of you may recall the 1970s (others may have read about it in your History textbooks) when chest hair on a Hollywood hunk was not only tolerated, but was expected. Guys like Burt Reynolds, Robert Redford, Ryan O'Neal, Lee Majors, Pernell Roberts, Paul Michael Glaser (aka Starsky), and countless others seemed to have been hand picked specifically because of their amazingly hairy chests!

This trend even continued into the 1980s, somewhat. Guys like Tom Selleck, Jon Bonjovi, Pierce Brosnon, Brian Bloom, and other deliciously hairy 80s stars.

But something happened in the 90s. Suddenly, as if a depilatory had been introduced into the Los Angeles water supply, the chest hair just disappeared. Almost overnight, the stars' chests were all smooth as a baby's bottom. What happened?! For over a decade, we fur lovers suffered through a dirth of manly men, being forced to deal with the likes of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Keanu Reeves, Johnny Depp, and George Clooney. Mostly good looking, I'll admit, but hardly the kind of men I'd call sexy.

This trend even got so bad that formerly hairy stars like Jon Bonjovi started pretending they'd been smooth all along. When I saw this picture, I cried for three days. "Why'd ya do it, Jon?"

The good news is, the Hairy-is-Sexy-Again message is starting to sink it...and it's amazing how many of those stars we thought were smooth, have turned out to have been hairy all along.

Check out this image of Jude Law, for instance. Look at them legs, kids! Now that's one hairy dude! You'd never have guessed it from his earlier films (e.g., The Talented Mr. Ripley).

If you doubt my assessment, take stock. Some of the biggest stars to hit the silver screen are doing so with chests that look like the floor of a barber shop, and I couldn't be happier about it. Matthew Fox from ABC's "Lost" is a great example. (I read an interview with Matthew Fox this morning, by the way, in which he said he delights in being nude in public. He explained that he was raised in a family that didn't deliniate being clothed from not being clothed, so he's comfortable either way...but likes to shock people. How long 'til the tabloids catch a glimpse?)

So is Jason Lee from "My Name is Earl." Both are very hairy, sexy in their own way, and represent what I hope is a lasting new trend in Hollywood.

Now, if we can just get Jeremy Piven (star of HBO's Entourage") to stop waxing and return to that primal hairiness that used to frighten women and make men nervous, we'll be back to normal. Until then, the terrorists have won.

Comments are welcomed, as always.

What's the deal with big tits?...

2007-01-03T13:21:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay! I'll admit it! I have a newly born fascination with big boobs!

As a gay man, I find this disturbing, and have wondered more than once how to rid myself of this unhealthy obsession. I've considered electro-convulsive therapy, hormone pills, aversive conditioning...but I don't have a the guts to even admit it to someone in person, let alone to ask for help.

The worst part is, I seem to be alone in this torment. I've looked all over the 'Net, and I can't seem to find any other gay men who are into tits the way I am now. It's rather humiliating, really. There are all sorts of self-help groups for straight guys who find themselves attracted to cock...so why not throw me a bone? Excuse the pun.

Like most of the bizarre goings-on in my life, I can't really narrow down its genesis. I can only recall two distinct periods in my life: 1) The Before Time, when I thought boobs were the most disgusting thing in the world right after baby poop; and 2) The Now Time, when I find myself searching for the perfect pair in Google Images. What the hell happened?

The strangest thing about it is that I'm not the least bit attracted to anything else about women. I don't like the way they look, the way they dress, the way they talk, the shape of their bodies...and CERTAINLY not the nether regions (you know...down there?). If I could just find a pair of living titties that could stay alive on their own, without the rest of the woman, it'd be perfect.

As I ponder the subject, I think I may know how this all came about. See, I have an unhealthy fascination/obsession with straight guys. I love everything about 'em. The way they look, the way they talk, the way they carry themselves, the way they stare at me as if they're questioning their own sexuality and wonder silently if I'm the one who can make them finally have the perfect orgasm (okay, that last part is a private assumption of mine, but it could happen.). As a result of this, I spend a lot of my free time searching the Internet for straight porn so I can see some of these guys in action. I love finding images and videos of straight porn stars like Peter North, Lee Stone, Alex Sanders, Nacho Vidal, Rocco Siffredi, Randy West, and others like them. When I see them in action, they're always with a girl, and usually spend a lot of time around the old Joy Melons, if ya know'em sayin'. My theory is that, since I've only ever been exposed to images of boobs within the realm of straight porn, my lust for these guys has sorta "rubbed off" onto the boobs (arguably the least offensive part of the female anatomy to a gay man).

Added to that is the fact that I LOVE man tits. If a man doesn't have big pecs, I'm usually not as turned on by him as I would be otherwise. It wasn't always like that for me. In my early years of sexual-awareness, I was just into hairy chests. If a guy had a hairy chest, that was enough for me to get off. Then, I started getting into hairy and MUSCULAR chests. Even better! After a while, I became obsessed with HUGE COCKS, and haven't lost that desire since then (if a guy doesn't have a big cock, I won't give him a second glance in real life).

Enter the Boyfriend. My first real boyfriend was Gary; an older, hairy chested bodybuilder type with really big nipples. Technically, he had really big areolas, but no one seems to know what those are, so I usually say "nipples." The nipple is actually the little piece in the middle that sticks out (and I hate it when those are really long...especially those artificial ones some of the fags have created these days, usually with saline injections). The areola is the base of that wonderful patch of supersmooth, sometimes sensitive, beautiful skin on a man's pec. Gary's were much bigger than usual; about the size of a fifty-cent piece! His weren't sensitive, but he did like me to suck on them because it was part of the Son role I'd silently play to his Daddy role. Shining in the middle of all that black chest fur, just atop those amazingly powerful and well defined pecs, they were just glorious to behold.

So, when you combine the Daddy Pecs Nipple Obsession with the Straight Man Boob-play Conditioning, I guess you end up with a fag who gets turned on by women's boobs (some of them, anyway).

Even still, I think I'll just admire them from afar. I don't think I'd ever be able to get it up with a woman in the room.

What's Up with Peter North?...

2007-01-03T12:29:00.000-08:00

Okay, many of you probably recognize Peter North (image right) from his fuck-anything-with-a-pulse straight porn, right? Some of you slightly-over-25-years types may also recall (however faintly) that he did some gay porn in his earlier, decidedly less hot, days. Back then, we barely knew him under the name Matt Ramsey.

I remember seeing him in a few poorly budgeted gay flicks (The Bigger, The Better; Big and Thick; A Matter of Size; Like a Horse; Backstrokes; etc.), and I wasn't all that impressed with this Matt Ramsey guy.

Then suddenly, about a decade later, there he was in a straight flick, calling himself Peter North and fucking women. Huh?! The strange part was, he was a lot hotter in these films, and had this amazing ability never matched before or since...he could cum buckets!

Now, I'm not one of those guys who's "into" cum. Frankly, I think it smells horrible, and tastes even worse. It makes after-sex time seem like housework -- all that wiping and dabbing and looking for the spots you missed. I might as well be scouring out the kitchen sink! But in the case of Peter North, cum became an amazingly erotic thing. Maybe it was because I have a thing for straight guys and, now that he was fucking women, he seemed more erotic and masculine? Maybe it was due to a deep-seated loathing for women, and I liked seeing them get blasted with a hosefull of jizz? Or perhaps it's that Darwinian need for seeing the female get exposed to sperm cells, some confused little part of my brain rewarding me for something that would normally contribute to the survival of my genes (although, in this case, it's on video, it's not my sperm, and I have no desire for doing anything with ladies except maybe shopping).

I dunno what it is, but Peter North is now a surefire way to get me hard. I could watch him get that amazingly thick cock sucked all day. And the best part is, I know there's gonna be a really impressive cum shot at the end of each scene that makes it all worth it.

One thing that concerns me, though, is the re-writing of history that lil' Pete has apparently attempted. According to articles in some online porn magazines, his transition from gay to straight porn was a bit of a rocky road. Probably because of fear of AIDS, it's just not kosher to fuck women after you've had your colon cleaned by the likes of Rick Donovan. As a result, these actors often deny that they were in any gay films (a surprising number of them start out that way), and Pete was no exception. Later, when it apparently became too embarassing to keep up the lie in its then-current form, Pete told one reporter that he had been in a few gay videos, but that "a lot of those scenes are created in the editing room," and that "I had an ass double for those scenes with Rick Donovan. I'd never do that [anal] with a guy." Ha! I've seen the video, Petey...and I'd recognize that tight ass anywhere. Apparently he now just refuses to discuss it.

Peter North can afford to be silent on the subject now. With his own production studio, hundreds of videos under his belt, and presumably millions in the bank, he hardly needs to grant interviews to porn magazines anymore. Still, even with all the lies, the thinly veiled homophobia, and the fact that he's well into his late 40s, there's just no match for Peter North and his unique "talent."

P.S. I've seen a few images of Peter covered in his own cum from head to chest, but have no idea where they came from. He's obviously done some jack-off scenes that continue to allude me. Anyone know what video they're from?

I Wanna Suck My Partner's Straight Brother...

2007-01-03T11:52:00.000-08:00

Okay, I thought that would get your attention.

Unfortunately, it's not only an attention grabber...it also happens to be true.

I've got a major "thing" for my partner's brother. He's younger, more masculine, turns me on in a major way, and is just perfect for me. Just one problem: he's straight.

I admit, it's not a good position to be in. Lusting after a straight guy is just a disasterous thing, psychologically. That's made all the worse by the fact that he's technically my brother-in-law, of course. If he were any other straight guy, I'd give it the old college try. You know, invite him over, offer him all the beer he wants, play up my feminine qualities, and then play Spin the Bottle or something. Maybe even slip him a Viagra when he wasn't looking, just to get the mood right. (Those little blue monsters beat the hell outta those useless Barry White albums I wasted my money on.)

He looks almost identical to porn star Alex Sanders in his younger days (see pic to right), so anytime I see that guy in a porn flick, I imagine him as the bro-in-law, and cum like Ol' Faithful!

O, and even more tantalizing is the fact that my partner and his brother look so much alike. Not only does that make him seem familiar, but it makes him seem familar in a sex-charged way. And I hear tell (from my partner, of course) that their genitals are almost identical! He even shaves his balls, just like my boyfriend! (That last part actually got me hopeful until I read online that a LOT of straight guys now shave their balls. Is there anything they won't copy us fags on?)

If that's all true, then it makes my mouth water all the more. My partner (and presumably, his brother) has huge balls in a really big sack. In the summertime, they/he sit(s) on them all the time as a result of free-ballin'...they hang down that much! Yowza! There's nothin' hotter than a huge set of goose-egg testicles, hanging low in a big, floppy nutsack. Mmmmmm....

And then there's that cock head! I loves me some mushroom head, baby, and boy does he have one! (I'll just go with the assumption from here.) And it drips with precum whenever he's excited! The good news just doesn't stop!

Oooo..and that masculinity. Ach, du Lieber! There's nothing sexier than a monosyllabic straight guy, and he fits the bill, baby!

So, you see my dilemma, right? I'm stuck seeing this guy on a regular basis due to the fact that he lives so near and visits so often...and I get major wood every time he comes around...but I'm stuck in the celibacy that comes from being born with the wrong genitals to get the job done.

Any helpful, encouraging comments are welcomed. : )